I wrote this on 12/31/08 and it's just the uplifting reminder I needed right now. Perhaps another sabbatical is in order.
"Remember Red, Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
- Andy Dufresne, "The Shawshank Redemption"
I've never been a proponent of New Year's Resolutions. Why must we look to the first day of a new year to make a change? It's just another day on a calendar. We can make change anytime of year, whenever we feel it's needed. The same applies to the idea of generosity and giving to others. Helping others during the holidays is fine and dandy but some of these unfortunate souls need a hand for more than a night or a couple of cold weeks in December. I don't want to come across as having a "holier-than-thou" attitude because that's not my intention. It's just that sometimes we seem so disconnected, that we lose sight of the little things. Change and good will can happen at time. My change began on December 8th, 2008, 1:35pm PST. That's the moment that I took grasp of my life. From the second the plane left the ground, I made the decision to become the decent and centered human being I once was and am capable of becoming once again. The journey will not be an easy one, but I'm making the effort. I have the sense of feeling that I had long-since forgotten. Hope. It's a feeling that has been overwhelming me as of late. Hope for the achievement of true happiness. Hope for a beter livelihood. Hope for something more substantial. Hope.
Three days ago, I was sitting in my church pew and listening to that morning's Liturgist. As it happened, the sermon that morning was centered around Hope. The weather that weekend was cloudy and morose, reflecting my mood from a few weeks prior. As I listened intently, taking those words of never losing hope to heart, something happened. At that instant, the clouds outside parted and a single ray of sunlight shone through the stained-glass windows, and beamed directly onto me. As my eyes watered and I fought back tears, at that moment I felt absolute Love and Hope. I felt a reassured sense that everything is going to be just fine. I won't claim that the moment was attributed to divine intervention, but for me it reaffirmed the feeling of inherent good and of a positive outlook.
Change can happen at any time. I'm a multi-faceted individual with no two sides being the same. I Hope that I can successfully balance and find a positive medium for all that I can offer. From March 5th, 1980 until this moment on December 31st 2008. 10,528 days later, I am back where I started. I'm reborn and I'm stripping down to the basics. I feel more positive and happier than I have in a long time. Try as I might, I will never be able to please everyone all the time. I am going to put myself ahead of everyone for once and try to be as good a person as I can. With that said, I don't see myself heading back West anytime soon. Sometimes you just want to go where everybody knows your name. Time away has done me well and I anxiously look forward to continuing my soul-searching expedition. I wish everyone single one of my friends, family and loved ones prolonged life, love and happiness in the coming year. I love and miss you all and I eagerly anticipate the day we can share some laughs again. Be good with one another.
Love, Marvin
"I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain."
