It's the feeling of walking on thin ice, whilst carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Cautiously moving one foot in front of the other, as the frozen landscape beneath cracks and threatens to give way. Yet I continue to move forward, hoping I can make it across without falling through again. But I never do. I always plummet through to the bitter waters below.
I swore to myself that I would never let it happen again. I rolled the dice, let it ride and came up a loser. I miss the feeling of being emotionally numb. So now I press the reset button and begin the process of rebuilding walls. Bigger, stronger and permanent.
Charles Bukowski once wrote:
"There's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going to let anybody see you."
The bluebird is my heart. And I'm not sharing it with anyone.
